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One of these days, I am going to become a highly sought-after commercial photographer. Brands will hire me to shoot their campaigns. I will get to pander to others' creative visions, OR maybe I will find clever ways to pimp out unnecessary products to people I don't relate to. Either way, it is guaranteed there will be plenty of ass to kiss. Adventures with women like Lanie Morgan will be a dirty secret of my past. I can't wait. Eat Tic Tacs.